Watch it- Pass it on!

Lessons through pain

We've been faced with many struggles (and blessings through the struggles) in the recent months.

• First Jake loses his job.
• He couldn't secure a new one in Virginia so we had to uproot our family and move back to Pennsylvania.
• We moved back to Pennsylvania and are living with my parents as we wait for our house to sell.
• The new job Jake got in Pennsylvania pays a lot less so he had to get a second job. Meaning less time with his family.
• Since we had to move out of state for this new job we had to sell our house. The market in Richmond is very depressed so we had to put our house up for short sale. Meaning we make absolutely no money in the sale of our house, we have a two year ding on our credit and have to struggle for the coming years trying to catch up with what this decision has cost us.
• The sale of our house falls through 2 days before closing (And four months working with this buyer. Jumping through his hoops). We were finally feeling like our battle was coming to an end. But now we have to start all over again.
• I am homeschooling our children and expecting our fourth. These are blessings but are also struggles. It's hard to concentrate on a lesson when my other kids are being noisy and disruptive. It will be incredibly hard to homeschool the kids when I have a toddler and a newborn.
• A friend of mine who I've been praying and fasting for (for nearly a year now) seems to be losing her battle with cancer.
• My beloved aunt passed away Tuesday, August 30th, after battling cancer for a mere 2 months.

But through all this I was reminded at my aunts service this past Saturday that I should be Praising God! I should be saying How can I glorify God in this trial? How can His name be praised?

My aunt and my friend Rachel would say this as they struggle and are in excruciating pain. Don't cry for me! How can I pray for you? How can I glorify God in this? I want to be that woman. I want to cry out to God while my heart is breaking. I want to glorify His precious name!

Would you pray for me, for us, as we do our best to Praise His Holy Name? There is a Light, it is Jesus. I know we will get through these struggles and this pain. But right now I'm having a hard time. I could really use encouragement and prayer.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

An update from my uncle.

This is Jim, writing from my sister Kathy's Facebook page. I am overwhelmed with gratitude as I sit here and read the notes from all the people who are praying for my dear wife. I have never experienced this kind of pain before, though 50 years ago this past April, as an 11 year old boy, I watched my father die with this same disease. That was hard...this is devastating. I have tried not to question God in all of this; I recognize His sovereignty and accept His will for Anna's life. But I must admit that I don't even come close to understanding. I thought perhaps He was waiting for me to lift the ban on visitors so that my immediate family and Anna's siblings could come and see her. I did that yesterday, much to the chagrin of my precious wife. I could tell she was agitated by all the commotion and sensed a bit of displeasure with me for having violated her wishes. All four of her sisters got to see her and say goodbye. My son and daughter and their children got to say goodbye. My three sisters have seen her and two are with me even now, lest I be alone when the time comes for Him to welcome her home. This morning, reading from the Daily "Crouton", as Pastor Marks so affectionately called The Daily Bread, I read about a Matter of Perspective. The last paragraph says, "When we simply cannot understand why God allows circumstances that threaten to overwhelm us, it is good to remember that He has our good and His glory in mind. If we can say, "Father, please enable me to trust and honor You in this situation," then we will be in concert with His perspective and plan." Anna's concern in all of this, from the beginning until the point where she could no longer communicate clearly, was "How am I glorifying God in all of this?" I can tell you that all of the perceptions you folks have of my Anna are accurate. She is the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman. A prayer warrior, a giving, caring woman who dedicated her life to helping people through times like she is presently going. When God commanded us to "Be holy, for I am holy.", to the best of her ability she heeded His command. I know no one who is as concerned about being holy as much as she is. Even now, in her distress, she wonders how she can glorify the Father in heaven. I have no idea what He has in mind for me. Anna has been part of my life since July of 1964, weeks before my 15th birthday. When she finally graduates to heaven I will be relieved for the end to her suffering, but my nightmare without her will continue on from the nightmare that I'm enduring right now, watching her suffer. And still, I trust Him...He who sent His only Son to die for me. For those of you reading this who have not trusted your life to Christ, I beg you to do that right now. I couldn't care less what church affiliation you have. Religion is man reaching up to God...Christianity is God reaching down to man. I teach my AWANA children how simple it is to be saved...as simple as A,B,C. First, you have to admit you're a sinner. If you're not a sinner, you don't need a Savior. But God's word tells us that you are a sinner. (Romans 3:23) Then, you must believe that Jesus is who He said he was...the Son of God. But that's not the end. Many think the C is confess. But that's taken care of when you believe. The C is Choose. My Sparkies love this story. Let's pretend I have the ability to shut you in a room that is totally devoid of light. On the other side of the room is a door that you can get out. But there are numerous traps that will take your life if you try to get out in the dark. Before I leave you, I place a flashlight in front of you. You choose to get out of the room on your own, rejecting the gift that I gave you. You die. Don't blame me! I gave you everything you needed to get out, but you rejected it. God gave you everything you need to enter Heaven. Accept His free gift of eternal life right now. To not accept Christ is to reject Him. The best way to honor Anna in all that she's going through is to ask Christ to save you. I love all of you. Please continue to pray for God's mercy in Anna's struggle right now. God bless you all.

Deep Breath

I am thankful that we haven't had many scares as parents.

We had the first real one while I was pregnant with Titus. Lucinda and Valentine we climbing up Lucinda's dresser to get something off the top and the dresser fell over on them. Lucinda was able to pull her foot out and just had a scratch but Valentine was trapped under the dresser. The cd player (90s version, nice and big and very heavy) was being held by the plug in the wall. If it had come out of the wall it would have smashed his face. I ran into the room as soon as I heard the crash but I couldn't pull Valentine out and keep the drawers from falling out onto him. I screamed for Jake. He came in and moved the dresser. I pulled Valentine out and he didn't have a scratch on him. God was good.

The second one was when Titus was just 6 months old. We were driving home from a visit in Pennsylvania and stopped at a Wendy's for a bathroom break and some french fries. Jake took the older 2 into the bathroom while I waited in the lobby for them with Titus. It was about 8pm. Two men came in with ski masks on and guns swinging and robbed the restaurant. That was a very scary very traumatic experience for me. For all of us. I haven't been to a Wendy's since that day. And will never go to a Wendy's again.

Well, yesterday has been added to our list of scary experiences as parents. We've had kids come down with croup before but it never got this bad. Titus started showing signs of croup Saturday when he woke up from his nap. I did what I had done in the past with the other kids. Took him in the bathroom and let the water run hot to help open his airways. It didn't help. Not even a little. But he didn't seem any worse so we went through the day and as long as he was moving he was okay. Then during the night he was up every hour coughing and struggling to breathe. He slept in bed with us for some of the night and when I was watching him sleep I could see how hard it was for him to breathe. He was gasping for air. Every breath was very shallow. And he had a fever. So we decided it was time to take him to the ER. After two epinephrine breathing treatments, a shot of steroids and constant oxygen he wasn't improving. The hospital we went to didn't have a pediatric unit so they decided to transfer him to a near by hospital with a wonderful peds unit. He stayed there for 3 hours and was discharged after showing some improvement. He came home with a prescription for steroids for the next 3 days and he's acting more like himself today. Still not 100% but much better than he was. He still has a pretty bad cough but at least he can breathe now! Great it His faithfulness! We are so thankful that we decided to take him in and not wait any longer. We are so thankful that God took care of Titus and opened his airways.

Now we can all take a deep breath. Praise God!

Vacation

So tomorrow morning we will be packing into the SUV and head off to Tennessee. That may sound really exciting for some of you but for me it sounds like doom. Ten hours of driving with three little kids, with out my husband!! We plan to split up the driving to two days. But the way back will be all in one shot. I hope we can survive it.

It doesn't sound much like vacation. Jake will be back to Pennsylvania in two days. We leave tomorrow. So we will miss each other by one day! Then we will be in TN for nine days. I think this will be the longest that we've ever been apart. And I have never driven this far with the kids and I have never driven any length without his help.

Please pray for us. I'm sure we will have a good time but we are all missing Jake. I really miss his help and support. It won't feel like a vacation without the head of our household.

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

This morning I said goodbye to my dear husband (with *many, many* tears). We won't see each other for two whole weeks! He is flying out to Oklahoma for more training and the kids and I will be headed to Tennessee on Thursday, we will be gone for nine days. We will miss each other by one stinking day.

So does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Do we really love our missing spouse more when they've been away for weeks? I'm not sure. When Jake is gone I can't sleep, I'm depressed and the kids are super grumpy. And I won't lie, it's nice when he gets home from work to have someone help me with the kids. He is usually the one who gets them to bed. By the end of the day I'm about to pass out already. Now I'm "on duty" from 6am to 7pm (except the baby-not a baby anymore, I need to stop calling him that...) takes over an hour to get to sleep! Tonight it took nearly two hours. And I know what you're thinking, that I should put the kids down later because they're probably not tired at 7pm. Oh no my friend, they. are. tired. No matter what time they go to bed, 7pm, 10pm, midnight, they still are up at 6am. With out fail. So I might as well put them to bed at 7 so I can have a few extra hours of rest for me. The older two kids don't take naps so they're underfoot all day. Titus only takes one nap a day and it's usually only for an hour some days I get a glorious two hours. But those days are rare.

I don't know how I'll survive 12 days without him. I miss him all day and now I'll be missing him at night too. I sound like a adolescent but we really do love each other this much. How many people do you know have been married to their high school sweetheart and still are head over heals in love with them almost 10 years later? Not many. I am so thankful for the love we have for each other.

God has blessed us abundantly. I can see how much He loves us through the little things in life. He blesses me with a husband who loves me with all my (countless!) flaws, He blesses us with beautiful children, He blesses us with family who is gracious enough to let us live with them while our house in VA sells and we look for a house here. There are more blessings I can't even list them all. I am SO blessed!

So now, Lord, put the rock under my feet so I don't drown. I need You to keep my head above water. You are my Solid Rock, all other grounds are sinking sand.

Please pray for me and the kids as we struggle through these next two weeks as a single parent household. Tennessee will be fun but I will be missing my man. And I know he will be missing us! He has as hard of a time being apart as I do.

Another prayer request

A fellow sister in Christ was diagnosed with cancer. She's young (35 or so). She had bad news this week. The cancer has spread. She only has a few more months to live on this earth. Please pray for her and her family, her husband and 2 sons (11 yrs and 9 yrs). Her name is Rachel. Her family has been family friends since before any of us (cousins) were born. I think I have met her once or twice but I don't know her personally. Please be in prayer for them. Here is the link to her sisters blog she started to give updates on Rachel.

www.rachelsharvestofhope.blogspot.com

Your prayers would be appreciated.

My aunt was taken to the hospital this past Monday morning at 5:30am. She was up during the night w/ nausea & pain. In the hospital, the surgeon they were going to consult with this coming Thursday met them & admitted her. Please pray for wisdom for my aunt and uncle as they make treatment decisions. She seems to have a mass in her colon she was put on IV fluids and has been restricted from eating or drinking from the mouth. This is very difficult for her since she has always complained about a dry mouth (that's what I heard from my cousin, her daughter). Please pray for my family. We're not sure what's going on but this is very scary for us all. Your prayers are coveted.

Cloth Diapering.

Titus

Titus and Valentine

Titus the gbaby.

Cloth diapers. Here are pros and cons for me on this certain brand of cloth diapers. I've only used 3 different kinds but this is the kind I've used the most.

I generally like the gdiapers. I went with them because my son was having allergic reactions to disposable diapers at the time. He has since grown out of it.

Pros~

You can purchase them at yourlocal Babies r us (we needed different diapers asap and these were the only ones we could buy in a store).

You can choose to do true cloth diapering or if you're travelling you can opt for the disposable insert.

They have a plastic liner so if the baby leaks off the cloth you can just replace the liner and use the same cover. I have used the same cover for a week and it doesn't have an odor at all.

They have really cute patterns (this isn't THAT huge of deal for me but it is a pro. :)

They're generally priced reasonably.

Cons~

The liners are biodegradable so they start breaking down once you start washing them. I would only put them in the wash if they had been soiled. If they had urine on them I would just rinse them and use soap and my hand.

The gcloth doesn't seem to be quite big enough to fill the liner. They may have fixed this problem since I bought my stash but it was annoying and deff helped add to my soiled liner bucket. Their disposable insert fits like a glove never an issue.

Since the gcloth isn't secured by anything when my son would move around (which is all the time being an active toddler) the gcloth would scrunch up and I would have more soiled liners. I "solved" this problem by adding a cheap gerber (or you can use any kind) diaper and stack them in his diaper. It would make his rear a lot thicker but the gcloth wouldn't move. I would triple stuff at bed time.

I never had this problem but a friend of mine did, she had the velcro closures come off, but she called gdiapers and they sent her new velcro closures for free, she didn't even have to pay shipping. So that's a positive on that side of it.

So I went with gdiapers because I could purchase them at a store nearby and I needed them right away. I liked that if I needed something for them I could just run to the store and not have to wait to have it shipped to me. But with number 4 on the way I think (at least for the first few months) I will try something different. Unless a kind family member wants to bless us with the newborn kit. :)

I would love to hear your thoughts about cloth diapering. Have you tried it? Pros and cons? What brands do you like? What brands don't you like?

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Memory Lane: Valley Forge

Valley Forge. Hearing that brings back so many memories.

When my parents told me that we were moving from Arizona, where I was born and had grown up, I was very upset (to say it nicely). My mom said "don't you trust the God has a perfect plan for you? Just think of what wonderful things He has in store for your life!" I wasn't convinced yet. But once we moved to Pennsylvania and attended a new church with new youth I was feeling better about the decision. The first Sunday we attended Immanuel PCA the pastor came up to introduce himself to my parents and stopped one of the young men to escort us (my brother and I) to the Sunday school class. That young man was Jake. I was hooked on the church from then on. Jake sat with us and I drooled over him the entire class. He was the nicest boy I had ever met and he was SO CUTE! I could go on listing things that struck me about him but I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. ;)

We never really dated. I would call what we did courting. We were always with a group of friends. I loved that because we never felt any pressure to do anything we shouldn't. It helped us stay pure. We are so blessed in this day and age.

Anyway, back to Valley Forge. For our first "date" Jake built a few bikes for me, the 2 foreign exchange students we had living with us at the time and one for himself. He came to my parents house and picked us up. He took us to Valley Forge to ride bikes together. He spent the entire time stopping and helping the girls learn to ride their bikes. They had never learned before. Which was sweet of him but it annoyed me at the time. I wanted him to spend all his time with me. I didn't even think he liked me but that night the one exchange student said "Oh he loves you! You will end up together for sure!" I said, "haha sure lady whatever you say! He's WAY out of my league!" I guess she read the signs right! :)

From then on we frequented Valley Forge. We even had our engagement pictures taken there. It has a special place in our hearts.

Well last weekend we took the kids there for the first time. We got to look at the sights and tell the kids about the historic places and show them where we had our pictures taken so long ago (10 years almost!! We had pictures taken about 2 years before we were married).

I'm looking forward to many more fond memories in Valley Forge with my precious family. And many more pictures! :)

(I'll add some engagement pictures when I get them downloaded onto the computer. :)

"Welcome to the Second Trimester"

I received an email welcoming me into the second trimester.

Its so funny when you're pregnant (for the 6th time) and you have kids at home you are constantly chasing around how you lose track of things. I noticed that its getting uncomfortable to sleep, I noticed that I'm looking pretty huge at this point but I had totally lost track of how far along I am. Someone asked me this past weekend when I was due and I didn't really have an answer. But it doesn't help that the tech at my ultrasound told me one due date and the midwife (after looking at said u/s) gave me a different date. So I just give everyone the old "Oh, I'm due around Christmas". Who knows.

But in the email it told me the baby is about the size of a peach (from head to rump). Holy cow this pregnancy is flying by!! Before I know it I'll be preparing to have our fourth! Please Lord bless us with a house before then!! Or give me the contentment to be happy and satisfied where we are if that's not Your will.

I'm thankful that things seem to be going well (for the most part). We are so blessed!

I'm Glad!

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:4-5

I will enter His gates with thanks giving in my heart

I will enter His courts with praise

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made

I will rejoice for He has made me glad

He has made me glad Oh He has made me glad

I will rejoice for He has made me glad

He has made me glad Oh He has made me glad

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

I will enter His gates with thanks giving in my heart

I will enter His courts with praise

I will say this is the day that the Lord has made

I will rejoice for He has made me glad

He has made me glad Oh He has made me glad

I will rejoice for He has made me glad

He has made me glad Oh He has made me glad

I will rejoice for He has made me glad.

Precious Time

How do you spend your spare time? Titus hasn't been napping well lately. So when he sleeps at all (usually for an hour, sometimes less) its is precious time. I try to rush around to get everything that's on my endless list done. It is an impossible task. I end up getting some of the tasks done and feeling like I failed the rest. And since I'm pregnant I'm super tired so all I really want to do is take a nap myself. He pops out of his room (not very) well rested and I'm back to chasing him around the house cleaning up everything that crosses his path. My mom calls him "Titus the tornado". Not sure if I like that nickname but he's got it now.

Recently I had a melt down. I spoke to a great friend of mine and she suggested writing a list of everything that was bothering me or stressing me out at the time. Then pray about each and every one. Take the time to talk to God. So I did. And I really did feel better about everything that's going on in my life. I'm still anxiously waiting the Lord to finalize the sale of our house and praying that we will be able to buy a house very soon after but for right now, I've given it to the Lord.

My friend also suggested finding a good book to read. I enjoy reading if it's the right kind of book. The kind that keeps me invested. Once Jake got home that night I discussed it all with him. After explaining my whole list of stresses and ending our time together by blubbering on his shoulder he took me out to get a book (and ice cream, he's a wonderful man who loves me so much!). We needed some private time together anyway. After driving to 3 stores we ended up at Barnes and Nobles. We bought The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis. I don't know why I never read the series as a young adult. I know we had the books in the house (we had every book it seemed). But this is the first time that I have truly sat down to read through the whole series. Of course my husband is a purist and hates that they renumbered the books. I think I've read 4 of the books over the past few years so the renumbering has never bothered me. But to please him I am reading them in Lewis' original order. Well, I'm not sure the book thing was such a good idea. I'm the type that once I start reading and I'm involved, I can't pull myself away. I can't I mean, I can not stop reading in the middle of a chapter. I feel like the world in the book would be holding its breath waiting for my return. But thankfully this series has pretty short chapters so I can read a few and stop at the end of one. Unless there's a great cliff hanger. Why do you do for "me time"?

Well, the kids have been up for hours. I should get something done today. I have so much to do, like always. My goal today, home school Lucinda and laundry. I think I can, I think I can. Ugh, I loathe laundry....

Philippians 4:4-23

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

¹⁰ I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

¹⁴ Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. ¹⁵ Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; ¹⁶ for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. ¹⁷Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. ¹⁸ I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. ¹⁹ And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

²⁰ To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

²¹ Greet all God’s people in Christ Jesus. The brothers and sisters who are with me send greetings. ²² All God’s people here send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar’s household.

²³ The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.

Gone but not forgotten

I may have been gone for 4 months but I haven't forgotten you bloggy friends. A lot has happened since February. Man, where do I begin?

I guess shortly after the miscarriage Jake lost his job. But God is faithful! He provided, like He always does! Jake was blessed with a job. The catch- we had to sell our house and move to Pennsylvania. But that too is a blessing! Our family and friends are here. Although, we were sad to leave behind our family, friends and church family in Virginia. We are thankful for the job. We are staying with my parents until our house closes (we had 3 offers the first week it was put on the market!). Lord willing everything will be done by the end of June or July 1st at the latest.

Someone very dear to me lost her precious baby. It's been really hard for everyone that loves her. We continue to pray for them and trust the God's plan is perfect. HE will carry them through!

Last week I lost a dear friend in a tragic car accident. We met through my aunt, they were high school friends. Nancy and I never met. But she ministered to me in some of my darkest hours. I knew when I asked her to pray for me or for something in particular she would do it. She would approach the Lord on my behalf. She was so dear to everyone she met. She touched so may lives. By just being herself. I pray that I may be a witness like that someday. There were more than 500 people at her funeral. It was a beautiful service. What an encouragement. The message was wonderful. I pray that many were saved, by God's mercy, through hearing it.

A few months ago I found out I am expecting again! We are so thankful for this blessing! Might not be our perfect timing but it sure is God's perfect timing! We praise Him for that. Isn't it great to know that God is in control of all that happens in the universe. I sure am glad I don't have that job!

On Monday, memorial day, I started bleeding and cramping, just like before. The bleeding has slowed a lot but the cramps come and go. I am praying for God's peace and comfort. I am praying that He will preserve this life and bless us with many years with him or her. But if that is not His plan for our child I pray that we continue to praise Him through our tears and loss.

This song has been running on my computer all day. I love it and it is such a great reminder. I wish I could find a video that plays the song but alas.

Point of Grace

For all you've done

Oh cleanser of the mess I've made
Upon the hill our places trade
Stretched on a cross Your body crushed
By human hands You formed from dust

Chorus
How wonderful Your mercy is
How awesome are Your ways
I come, I come
To worship You
For all You've done

Oh cleanser of the mess I've made
Your boundless love for me portrayed
With patience for my learning curve
By holding back what I deserve

Chorus

Oh cleanser of the mess I've made
With everything at Your feet laid
I watch as all my cares erode
And from my soul these words explode

Chorus

Stirring up the dust

This video was brought to my attention last night. I had forgotten about it. I think its time to re-post it. This is Lucinda about a year ago. She took this video herself while in Jake's car. I laugh every time I watch it. Enjoy.

The curse that money is.

I hate money. No I don't just hate it I despise it. The bible says money is the root of all evil (1 Tim 6:10). I wish we could go back to the old days when people would barter and trade for things they needed. Instead of buying flour with cash you would trade for it. It seems like such easier times. I'm sure it wasn't but it seems like it would be.

My husbands boss just told him yesterday that he has two weeks to find new employment. His boss said that he does a good job with the work he does but he's just not the right fit for that position. So in two weeks he's out of a job. We can't buy food or pay the mortgage. I'm not sure what we'll do. We are trusting in the Lord. Leaning on Him. But I still worry. We have three kids. Would anyone like to trade house work for paying our mortgage?.....yeah not gonna happen. If we didn't have to worry about money then we could trade and barter for food. But alas, this is 2011 and our local grocery stores wouldn't be thrilled if I walked into the store ready to pay for our food with flowers or the offer to mow their grass or clean their house. Darn.

"Lord lead us toward the path you know is right for us. Show us where to go. We are trusting in You."

Will you pray for us. I don't know what God has in store. We're trusting in Him. I know the path He has laid out for us is the perfect path but I'm still human and I still worry about the small things. (like paying the mortgage and buying food).

Thank you for your prayers.

PLEASE SLEEP......

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

Titus building with blocks

Valentine making good use of a box.

My sons have been having trouble sleeping. They sleep through the night but they're waking up at 5 or 6 am! I can't take too much more of this. Do you have any ideas of how I can get them to sleep till later in the morning?

This morning my boys were up at 5 am. Titus was super cranky (to be expected) so I put him down for a nap, an hour later he's up again screaming. I think he may be teething. He also has a mad diaper rash.

On that note: Titus has been suffering from a really bad diaper rash for months now (on and off). We switched him over to cloth diapers thinking he was allergic to disposable. And he still may be, but it doesn't make sense why he has a rash now. The only way we were able to get rid of Valentine's rash was to potty train him. Titus is only 16 months old so its a bit early for that. I'm running out of ideas. Do you have any?

Glory Baby~ Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart"

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I think that the Lord is trying to get my attention. These verses has been repeating over and over in my head for the past few weeks. There has been a lot going on. Changes, sadness, frustration, worry, fear, loss.

The most recent thing that happened was yesterday afternoon my sister in law gave me a voucher she bought that gave the bearer 5 free bounces at Kangaroo Jacks this inflatable bouncy place. I was to hold onto it until the next time they came back to Richmond. Well, I failed. I didn't have my purse with me in the building when she gave the card to me, so I put it in my pocket. I took Titus on this big slide a few times but that was really the only thing I went on. When I got home last night I checked my pockets and it wasn't there! I was panicked! This thing wasn't cheap and I didn't want her to be upset with me and I didn't have the money to replace it. Well, I fretted all night, they didn't open till 10am. I called AT 10 am and the man said "if you lost it its not our responsibility, even if you have the receipt we can't help you. Sorry." So I asked if he would look for it. I told him the few places I had been. He came back on the phone within 5 minutes "someone turned it into the lost and found" he said. "What? Really?! Wow! Isn't God good?!" He didn't know what to say to that. I started to cry and had goose bumps. It was a big thing to me. But not to other people maybe. My husband said to me last night while I was fretting about it "if God wants you to have that voucher He'll give you the voucher. Don't worry!" And I believed him. I knew God would take care of it but its so hard to give it all to Him. Isn't it? God is so good!

Another thing that happened since I posted last that made me trust Him more is this. A few days before Christmas we found out I was pregnant! We were both really excited. We decided to tell our families when we visited at Christmas time since we weren't sure when we would see them next. Well, new years day I started bleeding. It wasn't heavy but upsetting all the same. At first the spotting would come and go. Then after about a week maybe week and a half of this it got worse. I had an ultrasound and the baby was fine! Strong heartbeat, everything looked fine. They thought maybe I had a blood clot. A week later I lost the baby. I held my little baby in my hand. How can I say goodbye to my baby? We haven't even met yet. I don't know her favorite color, her temper, her eye color or hair color. Since I learned I was pregnant I had this feeling the baby was a girl. So we named her Esther Love. Esther means star and love is one of the fruits of the spirit. Jake was in MD when it happened. I called him, barely able to speak and he came home that same day. We had a little service for our baby, our Esther. We prayed, read some bible verses and put her in the ground. It was the hardest thing we've been through. My baby is in the arms of the King. She won't know me as her mommy but she will know our God as her Daddy. She is playing with the lion and the lamb. Maybe she'll learn something from the apostle Paul and Jesus. Oh the stories she'll have to tell us when we meet in paradise one day. I miss her. I'm sad I won't know her like I know my other children. But she is in God's hands what better hands to hold my baby! When we were preparing for the burial I wrote out a little letter. I would like to share that with you now. Through my tears I wrote this.

"January 11, 2011- 7 weeks 5 days

Our dear precious gift from God- you are loved and missed daily

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23

Lord God please comfort us with the loss of our baby. I don't know why this happened but I know your plans are perfect. Please take care of our baby. Keep her safe until we can be together again. Thank you Lord for all you've given us. We are so blessed and thankful to you for all of it. You are an Awesome God!

Be at peace our dear sweet Sauer baby."

This is what I wrote on what we buried her in:

"Please tread quietly. Baby sleeping. Our sweet Sauer baby, until we meet again. Love, Mom and Dad"

I am so thankful for all the gifts God has blessed us with. Thank you Lord! My cup really does overflow!

"Get Growing"

"There is only one true mirror of who we are. Only one source can accurately reflect our image back to us. If you want to know who you are, you must look to the One who knows you better than all others.

What can you discover? Truths like this:

--God made you in a marvelous way! "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalm 139:13-14. From your toes to your nose, you are the handiwork of God.

--God loved you enough to die for you even when you didn't deserve it. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8. Yes, you see the sin. Yes, it does look ugly. But God covers it all with forgiveness.

--God makes you new and clean, no matter what might have happened in the past. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. Mistakes? Yes, we've all made them. Our brows are furrowed. At times our eyes look weary. But God dresses us in a brand new outfit-one of hope.

  When you're wondering just who you are, don't look to the people around you. The only true reflection of your identity comes from God himself."

Mom's devotional bible.NIV. MOPS edition. (Thanks Holly! :)
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This is what I read this morning for my devotions. It is a comforting thought to know that the Only One I need to answer to is the Only One who knows me through and through, my God, my King. He made me, He knew who I would turn out to be. The mother of Lucinda, Valentine, Titus and the newest little one. He knows how long I will live. He knows how long my children will live. What an amazing thought!

Going through these past few weeks not knowing if I would lose this baby, still not knowing for sure. It is very comforting for me to read Psalm 139 and know that He has a plan! And that He knows what He's doing! I am SO thankful for that. What a relief! I don't have to sit here and ring my hands and wonder what will happen. God knows. He planned it! My worrying won't change His perfect plan He set moving. I pray that I can carry this baby to full term but I am putting my faith and trust in the Only One who can move mountains! My God is an awesome God! How thankful I am that He chose ME! Thank you Lord!

Dear Mr. Chief Justice.....

If you are my facebook friend you are aware of the drama this past week. If you weren't paying attention let me fill you in. Jake was scheduled for jury duty. Fine, great, whatever, a shorter day than normal so dinner with my husband, awesome. We had a snow storm the week of Christmas and we had returned from PA the day before he had jury duty. So he didn't have time to clear off his car so he took my van. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time since he wouldn't be there past 5 or 6pm right? So at 8am he went off to jury duty leaving the kids and I to fend for ourselves. No problem. 

Like I said earlier we had just gotten back from PA the day before so we didn't have much around the house to eat, I should say we had nothing the kids wanted to eat. But they got over that. 

So at 10am the heat stopped working. We have oil heat and we had run out. Everyone I called said they couldn't come till Thursday (this was Tuesday) then I found a place that would deliver Wednesday. That's better than Thursday but the temperature was still dropping quickly. But we decided to make the best of it. I bundled the kids in a few sweaters and a few pairs of socks. It wasn't so bad. The temperature kept dropping now around 50 degrees. Still warmer than outside with no wind inside. So we're still doing fine. 

Well at 5pm I was pacing back and forth in the kitchen waiting for Jake to call telling me he was out of jury duty and that he would be coming home. I didn't receive that call at 5pm. But hey, maybe the trial went over. But they wouldn't keep the jurors past 6pm right? Well, time ticked on, we had no vehicle, no heat and no sign of hubby. By 8pm I started getting frantic. I called my mom "there's no way he's still at the courthouse! No judge works past 8pm! And no one would keep 12 people in court without letting them call their families!" She calms me down a bit and we hang up. I'm calling all the numbers I could find online. No one answers because they close at 5 pm! No kidding?! So if you close at 5pm where the heck is my husband?!! 

So I dress my kids for bed, feed them more macaroni and cheese and put them to bed at 7pm, still no word from Jake. Tick, tick, tick. It was 10pm and I was on the phone with my mom again in tears. "I need to call the hospitals, the police, anyone! There has to be someone who knows where my husband is! We just had a snow storm, what if he got in an accident and he's dead or unconscious or something?!! Let me hang up I need to call around!" Just then my other line starts ringing, Thank God! I won't go into depth with my language when I heard his voice but I went from thank God you're okay, to why didn't you call me?!! I was a sobbing mess when I heard his voice. And when he got home (around 10:40pm) I held him for a good 20 minutes. I had been frantic with worry. 

I wrote a letter to the Chief justice (thank you Holly for your editing help!). And sent it today. My prayer is that some steps will be taken so this doesn't happen to another jury and in turn their families.

Here's the letter I sent:

Rebekah Sauer

00000 Xxxxxx Ave

Richmond, VA 00000

December 29, 2010

 

The Honorable Leroy Rountree Hassell, Sr.

Chief Justice, Supreme Court of Virginia

100 North Ninth Street

Richmond, Virginia 23219

 

Dear Mr. Chief Justice:

 This letter is to bring to attention the lack of care and respect for the people and their families who served on the jury of the 13th Circuit Court of Virginia on December 28th 2010.  My husband Jacob Sauer, who was summoned to jury duty on that day, arrived on time at the courthouse (8:45 a.m.). At the discretion of Judge Jenkins, the court proceedings did not conclude until after 10:00 p.m.  During this time, my husband and his fellow jurors were not permitted to call their families to let them know they would be at the courthouse to such a late hour.

 Given the snow storm last week, I am sure you will understand that after 6:00 p.m. with no word from my husband, I became very concerned. I called the courthouse and his cell phone but got no answer.  After 10:00 p.m., I was nearly frantic with worry and was considering calling the police when I received a message from my husband that he was on his way home.  Circumstantially, our heater had broken and my husband had our family car, so my three children and I were more than usually anxious to have him home.

 I respect the judicial system and understand wanting to finish a case, but the jurors should have been given time to call their families to tell them they would  be home late and that they were okay. If there was a concern about confidentiality then post a guard at the phone to be sure the case stayed confidential. Alternatively, provide an after-hours clerk or automated hotline that families can call for the status of the case or to leave a message for a juror.

 I am shocked and appalled by the treatment of these men and women and their families. My hope is that this letter will bring this issue to the attention of those who can make the necessary improvements.

 

Respectfully,

Rebekah Sauer