"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart"

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I think that the Lord is trying to get my attention. These verses has been repeating over and over in my head for the past few weeks. There has been a lot going on. Changes, sadness, frustration, worry, fear, loss.

The most recent thing that happened was yesterday afternoon my sister in law gave me a voucher she bought that gave the bearer 5 free bounces at Kangaroo Jacks this inflatable bouncy place. I was to hold onto it until the next time they came back to Richmond. Well, I failed. I didn't have my purse with me in the building when she gave the card to me, so I put it in my pocket. I took Titus on this big slide a few times but that was really the only thing I went on. When I got home last night I checked my pockets and it wasn't there! I was panicked! This thing wasn't cheap and I didn't want her to be upset with me and I didn't have the money to replace it. Well, I fretted all night, they didn't open till 10am. I called AT 10 am and the man said "if you lost it its not our responsibility, even if you have the receipt we can't help you. Sorry." So I asked if he would look for it. I told him the few places I had been. He came back on the phone within 5 minutes "someone turned it into the lost and found" he said. "What? Really?! Wow! Isn't God good?!" He didn't know what to say to that. I started to cry and had goose bumps. It was a big thing to me. But not to other people maybe. My husband said to me last night while I was fretting about it "if God wants you to have that voucher He'll give you the voucher. Don't worry!" And I believed him. I knew God would take care of it but its so hard to give it all to Him. Isn't it? God is so good!

Another thing that happened since I posted last that made me trust Him more is this. A few days before Christmas we found out I was pregnant! We were both really excited. We decided to tell our families when we visited at Christmas time since we weren't sure when we would see them next. Well, new years day I started bleeding. It wasn't heavy but upsetting all the same. At first the spotting would come and go. Then after about a week maybe week and a half of this it got worse. I had an ultrasound and the baby was fine! Strong heartbeat, everything looked fine. They thought maybe I had a blood clot. A week later I lost the baby. I held my little baby in my hand. How can I say goodbye to my baby? We haven't even met yet. I don't know her favorite color, her temper, her eye color or hair color. Since I learned I was pregnant I had this feeling the baby was a girl. So we named her Esther Love. Esther means star and love is one of the fruits of the spirit. Jake was in MD when it happened. I called him, barely able to speak and he came home that same day. We had a little service for our baby, our Esther. We prayed, read some bible verses and put her in the ground. It was the hardest thing we've been through. My baby is in the arms of the King. She won't know me as her mommy but she will know our God as her Daddy. She is playing with the lion and the lamb. Maybe she'll learn something from the apostle Paul and Jesus. Oh the stories she'll have to tell us when we meet in paradise one day. I miss her. I'm sad I won't know her like I know my other children. But she is in God's hands what better hands to hold my baby! When we were preparing for the burial I wrote out a little letter. I would like to share that with you now. Through my tears I wrote this.

"January 11, 2011- 7 weeks 5 days

Our dear precious gift from God- you are loved and missed daily

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23

Lord God please comfort us with the loss of our baby. I don't know why this happened but I know your plans are perfect. Please take care of our baby. Keep her safe until we can be together again. Thank you Lord for all you've given us. We are so blessed and thankful to you for all of it. You are an Awesome God!

Be at peace our dear sweet Sauer baby."

This is what I wrote on what we buried her in:

"Please tread quietly. Baby sleeping. Our sweet Sauer baby, until we meet again. Love, Mom and Dad"

I am so thankful for all the gifts God has blessed us with. Thank you Lord! My cup really does overflow!

"Get Growing"

"There is only one true mirror of who we are. Only one source can accurately reflect our image back to us. If you want to know who you are, you must look to the One who knows you better than all others.

What can you discover? Truths like this:

--God made you in a marvelous way! "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalm 139:13-14. From your toes to your nose, you are the handiwork of God.

--God loved you enough to die for you even when you didn't deserve it. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8. Yes, you see the sin. Yes, it does look ugly. But God covers it all with forgiveness.

--God makes you new and clean, no matter what might have happened in the past. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. Mistakes? Yes, we've all made them. Our brows are furrowed. At times our eyes look weary. But God dresses us in a brand new outfit-one of hope.

  When you're wondering just who you are, don't look to the people around you. The only true reflection of your identity comes from God himself."

Mom's devotional bible.NIV. MOPS edition. (Thanks Holly! :)
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This is what I read this morning for my devotions. It is a comforting thought to know that the Only One I need to answer to is the Only One who knows me through and through, my God, my King. He made me, He knew who I would turn out to be. The mother of Lucinda, Valentine, Titus and the newest little one. He knows how long I will live. He knows how long my children will live. What an amazing thought!

Going through these past few weeks not knowing if I would lose this baby, still not knowing for sure. It is very comforting for me to read Psalm 139 and know that He has a plan! And that He knows what He's doing! I am SO thankful for that. What a relief! I don't have to sit here and ring my hands and wonder what will happen. God knows. He planned it! My worrying won't change His perfect plan He set moving. I pray that I can carry this baby to full term but I am putting my faith and trust in the Only One who can move mountains! My God is an awesome God! How thankful I am that He chose ME! Thank you Lord!

Dear Mr. Chief Justice.....

If you are my facebook friend you are aware of the drama this past week. If you weren't paying attention let me fill you in. Jake was scheduled for jury duty. Fine, great, whatever, a shorter day than normal so dinner with my husband, awesome. We had a snow storm the week of Christmas and we had returned from PA the day before he had jury duty. So he didn't have time to clear off his car so he took my van. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time since he wouldn't be there past 5 or 6pm right? So at 8am he went off to jury duty leaving the kids and I to fend for ourselves. No problem. 

Like I said earlier we had just gotten back from PA the day before so we didn't have much around the house to eat, I should say we had nothing the kids wanted to eat. But they got over that. 

So at 10am the heat stopped working. We have oil heat and we had run out. Everyone I called said they couldn't come till Thursday (this was Tuesday) then I found a place that would deliver Wednesday. That's better than Thursday but the temperature was still dropping quickly. But we decided to make the best of it. I bundled the kids in a few sweaters and a few pairs of socks. It wasn't so bad. The temperature kept dropping now around 50 degrees. Still warmer than outside with no wind inside. So we're still doing fine. 

Well at 5pm I was pacing back and forth in the kitchen waiting for Jake to call telling me he was out of jury duty and that he would be coming home. I didn't receive that call at 5pm. But hey, maybe the trial went over. But they wouldn't keep the jurors past 6pm right? Well, time ticked on, we had no vehicle, no heat and no sign of hubby. By 8pm I started getting frantic. I called my mom "there's no way he's still at the courthouse! No judge works past 8pm! And no one would keep 12 people in court without letting them call their families!" She calms me down a bit and we hang up. I'm calling all the numbers I could find online. No one answers because they close at 5 pm! No kidding?! So if you close at 5pm where the heck is my husband?!! 

So I dress my kids for bed, feed them more macaroni and cheese and put them to bed at 7pm, still no word from Jake. Tick, tick, tick. It was 10pm and I was on the phone with my mom again in tears. "I need to call the hospitals, the police, anyone! There has to be someone who knows where my husband is! We just had a snow storm, what if he got in an accident and he's dead or unconscious or something?!! Let me hang up I need to call around!" Just then my other line starts ringing, Thank God! I won't go into depth with my language when I heard his voice but I went from thank God you're okay, to why didn't you call me?!! I was a sobbing mess when I heard his voice. And when he got home (around 10:40pm) I held him for a good 20 minutes. I had been frantic with worry. 

I wrote a letter to the Chief justice (thank you Holly for your editing help!). And sent it today. My prayer is that some steps will be taken so this doesn't happen to another jury and in turn their families.

Here's the letter I sent:

Rebekah Sauer

00000 Xxxxxx Ave

Richmond, VA 00000

December 29, 2010

 

The Honorable Leroy Rountree Hassell, Sr.

Chief Justice, Supreme Court of Virginia

100 North Ninth Street

Richmond, Virginia 23219

 

Dear Mr. Chief Justice:

 This letter is to bring to attention the lack of care and respect for the people and their families who served on the jury of the 13th Circuit Court of Virginia on December 28th 2010.  My husband Jacob Sauer, who was summoned to jury duty on that day, arrived on time at the courthouse (8:45 a.m.). At the discretion of Judge Jenkins, the court proceedings did not conclude until after 10:00 p.m.  During this time, my husband and his fellow jurors were not permitted to call their families to let them know they would be at the courthouse to such a late hour.

 Given the snow storm last week, I am sure you will understand that after 6:00 p.m. with no word from my husband, I became very concerned. I called the courthouse and his cell phone but got no answer.  After 10:00 p.m., I was nearly frantic with worry and was considering calling the police when I received a message from my husband that he was on his way home.  Circumstantially, our heater had broken and my husband had our family car, so my three children and I were more than usually anxious to have him home.

 I respect the judicial system and understand wanting to finish a case, but the jurors should have been given time to call their families to tell them they would  be home late and that they were okay. If there was a concern about confidentiality then post a guard at the phone to be sure the case stayed confidential. Alternatively, provide an after-hours clerk or automated hotline that families can call for the status of the case or to leave a message for a juror.

 I am shocked and appalled by the treatment of these men and women and their families. My hope is that this letter will bring this issue to the attention of those who can make the necessary improvements.

 

Respectfully,

Rebekah Sauer